News from ACCORD

Weekly Zoom by Ishbel Murdoch

We are still carrying out weekly Zoom Groups at Accord with enthusiastic participants. Recently we took part in a story telling zoom session called True/False Reveals where participants spun a story and we had to guess true or false. There were lots of good stories ranging from one of my legs is shorter than the other, humane treatment of robins and the miscalling a hoover in public by a very young child as a h**r (rhymes with poor!).

Here are some of the best:

1.

“In 1988, as a young uniformed police officer, I was working at a stall at the Glasgow Garden Festival. During the day, my sergeant said to go for a walk round the festival and he would man the stall.

I started to walk round, enjoying all the exhibits, when I bumped into 2 male colleagues who were also working at the festival. We got chatting right next to where the Coca cola ride was situated. The guy working at the ride shouted over to us to come and get a shot. At first we politely refused but then the crowd who were standing nearby started to shout to us to take a shot. Getting into the spirit of things, my 2 colleagues and I got on the ride. The guy in charge of the ride held our police hats as we did so.  

Needless to say, I was not a big fan, especially when we were upside down twice and, to make matters worse, all my money fell out my uniform jacket pocket too. I could be heard shouting words similar to “Stop the bl**dy thing!!” When the ride was finished and we were getting off, we got a round of applause from the crowd. I said goodbye to my colleagues and returned to the stall to join my sergeant. I never mentioned anything about the Coca Cola ride.

What I didn’t know was that an off duty high ranking officer had seen me and my two colleagues on the ride and was not impressed. He duly reported us. 

The following day I was standing in front of my Divisional Commander being told off for my actions. I was told I was barred from working at festival again and was fined £1 (the price of the ride on the Coca Cola ride). I actually think my Commander was slightly amused but had to be seen not to be condoning my actions. 

It didn’t end there, as shortly afterwards some posters were found hanging in the office, in which I was portrayed as “Miss Fun Ride 1988“!”

2.

“Here is my fishy tale 🐠 …A long time ago I was driving my car as usual minding my own business and I happened to notice that inside my car were a few blue bottle flies .

I got rid of them but the next day the same again.

I was very puzzled and a bit scared as the only thing I could think of was that they were coming up from underneath and I had hit a bird or some poor animal and it was still stuck under my car.

I drove up to my local garage and asked them if they could put it up on the ramp and have a good look for me.

They very kindly obliged and said I should come back in about half an hour.

When I returned they told me they had found the culprit not under the car but inside

The Glove Compartment!!!!

They said to me the culprit was 2 Slices of Fish 😳🤭🥴

I had gone to the fish shop and as it was a warm day had put the fish in there as I thought it would be cooler and clean forgot to take them back out again. 

Honestly there was no smell until they opened the glove compartment.

Needless to say they had a good laugh at my expense.

I’m sure you will too 😂😂”

3.

“A long time ago two young girls, bored with life in Paisley, were looking for a more adventurous life. 

They didn’t want to stay in Paisley so they looked further afield for excitement and decided to live and work in ‘The Land of the Ancient Greeks’. Whilst there the sister of one of the young girls met up them on her way home to Scotland. She claimed to be “a spy”. This so-called spy said that she would like to use the flat, we were staying in, as a safe house. She said we would be well paid (extra money for wine), no questions asked, and no lies to be told.
One of the two adventurers did not like the idea, whereas the other thought it would be great: real adventures, 007, martinis shaken not stirred.

Sadly nothing came of the plan. No 007, no extra money and no adventures. The more cautious girl won the argument. Life went on in ‘The Land of the Ancient Greeks’ with retsina, moussaka, ouzo and Zorba the Greek (or the Geek)!”